The Secret Triad of Confidence

Dear Beauty,

The confidence we experience as we walk through the day is a multi-fasciated phenomenon. We visualize dancing, skipping and breezing from one moment to the next, but truth be told, some days feel more like slugging and trudging through mud.

Sure, self-worth is a factor of knowing your value, as you read in February’s blog: Your family of origin and the others you’ve attracted into your life also affect your confidence and, to some extent, help you maintain your sense of belief in yourself. See our last blog:

There’s one more foundational key in this secret confidence triad: your spiritual anchor. The old saying goes, “There are no atheists in foxholes.†When things get tough, we turn to something or someone beyond ourselves and the people we know. We search for a Supreme Being that will be our rock, our anchor—no matter which storm rages around us.

Although I’m quite open with my deepest beliefs when speaking with friends, public discussion of the spiritual side of confidence is new territory for me. Maybe it’s because I’ve worked in public schools, corporations and mixed groups where (in the past) it’s never been appropriate to mention the subject.

For the past two decades, as a presentation coach, I always inquired about the client’s other-worldly beliefs in order to know just how to assist them in anchoring their confidence. I believe that if we want to successfully reach the core of confidence, we need to dive into this topic.

Contrary to contemporary lingo, one can be both religious and spiritual. Organized religion offers a connection to Divine strength and a treasure chest of fellowship and caring. I imagine God putting words into people’s mouths to bless each other; dropping thoughts into our heads to comfort and heal: “Call Joyce today.†“Tell that girl she’s wise to wait for a guy who’s worthwhile.†“Tell her,’You know your mom was proud of you. She always bragged about your determination.’â€

Words read from scripture (no matter what you call your particular book) can make a great impact on your spirit. I recently asked a friend how her religious beliefs helped her cope with her husband’s cancer. Without missing a beat, she answered, “I just don’t know how I could get through the day without it.â€

Church is good for many folks, and many find the Divine in nature, music and art. The presence of organic beauty reminds us that we are all one, we’re all a part of the great plan. In quiet moments, comfort overtakes us; supports us, whispers to us. Signs of the Divine come through the wind, the words of a song, or the innocent question of a child.

Meditation and yoga have become very popular with people from all walks of life, and why not? Praying is talking to God and meditation and yoga are ways to listen. Isn’t it about time we stopped the mind chatter, worry and fear in order to listen?

An Apache proverb tells us: “It makes no difference as to the name of the God, since love is the real God of all the world.†And consequently, no matter how you choose to experience the Divine, it’s important that your belief is an unshakable anchor in your life.

The foundation of your confidence is a triad. You reach in to find worth in yourself; reach out to those around you for comfort, support and validation; and reach up to the Divine source of life, who also speaks directly to you and through others. Like a grand secret, all three keys of this triad are connected. It’s impossible to separate these sources of confidence.

I like what Albert Einstein said: “When you examine the lives of the most influential people who have ever walked among us, you discover one thread that winds through them all. They have been aligned first with their spiritual nature and only then with their physical selves.â€

Confidence is multifaceted, yet, with this powerful triad of self, others and Spirit, we are able to withstand any storm. As we’re master this skill, we are able to pay it forward to others.


May your spirit soar in ways that build your confidence,


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